I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
