Already got asked if we're dating
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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