I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize