Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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