Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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