So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
