Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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