just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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