Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
