it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
