Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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