so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
