Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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