even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize