well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
