we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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