I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
