there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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