This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
did i just pee glitter
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
