Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
