Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
