I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
