i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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