i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
