Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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