Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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