i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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