overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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