How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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