Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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