I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
