Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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