My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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