it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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