how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
