weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
