We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
