What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
