Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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