im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
