I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
