is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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