State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
