the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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