oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
