So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
