is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
