well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
