That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
