Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
