I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize