dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
