whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
