my room smells like sperm. sweet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
