He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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