i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just found puke in my bra..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize