Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
