I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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