the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you inspire me to be a worse person
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
