I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize