my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
