Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
