I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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