I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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