adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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