I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
