then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
