I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
