Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
