It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
