I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
