but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
