I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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