He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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