How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize