I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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