You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
