Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
