i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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